Detroit Police Chief: Jaywalking Epidemic is 'Out of Control'

In what has been called an 'epidemic', the city of Detroit continues to cope with a sharp rise in jaywalking crime over the last five years that has plagued its citizens and police force. Detroit police Chief Emma Bully-Cummings has declared a state of emergency for the Woodward Corridor section of downtown Detroit, where historic Woodward Avenue splits the city's notorious and violent ghetto, and criminals cross the road freely without regard for motorists and crosswalks.

"It's motherfucking ridiculous," said Bully-Cummings in a news conference. "These people have the nerve to commit a heinous crime right in broad daylight. Sooner or later we'll get you. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or by 2009, but we'll get you."

A street in Detroit's trendy shopping district, notorious for jaywalking.

In a city paralyzed by violent crime, Bully-Cummings stated that the rampant jaywalking is 'number one on our task force list' and reiterated that she is moving law enforcement resources to address the issue.

"We only have 23 police officers for the whole city and we're pulling those officers off their regular beats of drug dealers and rapists to get this jaywalking problem solved," Bully-Cummings said. "If criminals are prevented from walking to the scene of an eventual crime, then we kill two birds with one stone. A drug dealer can't sell crack to 4th graders if he's busted on his way to the school for jaywalking"

Bully-Cummings also said the city has enacted a reward system for police officers that nab a jaywalker.

"We can now offer a free 7-11 slushy for every jaywalker that ends up behind bars," Bully-Cummins said proudly.

Added Bully-Cummings, "Although the only flavor we can offer is blueberry blast."