Mick Jagger Donates Lips To African Village

'Joyless, Lipless Orphans Rejoice, Hope to Whistle Again'

The tiny African nation of Nh'Rombia has always held a special place in Rolling Stones singer Mick Jagger's heart - he bought most of it in 1974 for tax purposes and has visited it "at least maybe twice" since. Now that the residents are embroiled in a civil war, Jagger has been pressed by the public to do more for the people of Nh'Rombia than send leftover Stones tour t-shirts every eleven years.

His response has been enormous, as Jagger announced he would donate his lips, in full, over the next four years to Nh'Rombia. The official statement, issued through his publicist Ian Thrute, said in part: 'I know me lips have gotten me to stardom, now I want Africa to 'ave that stardom in their mouths.' The statement later read, 'Take that, Bono.'


Also specified in the statement were details on how the lips were to be used - with Jagger specifically calling out an orphanage in the remote, barren wasteland where he once used the bathroom in 1981. "Those orphans looked so hungry," Jagger recalled, "and then I went and did coke on my private lear jet with David Bowie."

While many laude Jagger's bold philanthropic move, doctors are quick to point out that Jagger's lips may not be clean enough to pass standards even for rural Africa. "Those lips, whoa man," said Dr. Ron Freaming, Cheif Resident of Internal Medicine, Liverpool. "Can you imagine how may sets of genitalia those lips encountered? It could be in the thousands, ten thousands. And I doubt he used dental dams."

Jagger: "I'm sexier than Jesus."

A former Stones groupie, Jane Kune, even started a website to join with others that felt his lips were unsafe for African orphans - http://www.mickslipsmycrotch.org/ .

"I know how hard those kids have it, and I know they need lips," said Kune, who slept with Jagger over a period of several days in 1980, "but to put it in perspective, Mick and me were once crammed in a Studio 54 bathroom stall with Truman Capote, Cher and Elton John. And everyone got a piece of Mick's lips that night."

But the National Organization of African Orphans (NOAO) says it will gladly take the lip windfall. "There are diamond traders that will cut off the lips of workers that talk too much, they just pull the children off the streets and force them to work twenty hours a day. And they also have poor health insurance coverage," said Rd'Hduya Jana, a NOAO member and orphanage manager. "We have rooms and rooms of lipless, hopeless kids that would step over their own mothers for a chance to whistle again."